REAL TALK
ISSUE #30
Reflection: What Are You Avoiding Feeling?
REAL TALK is a space for honest writing about leadership, survival, and second chances. No hype. No easy answers. Just lived experience, hard lessons, and the truths we usually only admit to ourselves.
Let us be honest. Most of us are not actually “too busy.” We are too distracted to feel. We scroll. We overwork, and we fix other people’s problems. We stay productive. We stay available. We stay “on.”
Because slowing down might mean feeling something we have been trying not to feel. And that is the part no one talks about.
Avoidance Does not Always Look Like Running
Sometimes avoidance looks responsible. It looks like staying late. Maybe taking on one more project. Being the strong one, the dependable one. Or the calm one.
But underneath all that competence might be:
Grief that was never processed
Rejection that still stings
Loneliness you do not want to admit
Anger you do not think you are allowed to feel
Disappointment in yourself
Unfelt emotions do not disappear; they go underground. And what we bury does not stay buried; it leaks. It leaks into impatience, exhaustion, and numbness. It leaks into that heavy feeling you cannot explain.
Numb Is Not Neutral
Sometimes we do not feel “sad.” We feel flat. And flat feels safer than hurt. But numbness is not peace, it is protection.
Your mind is brilliant. It will dull everything rather than let one thing overwhelm you. The problem with that is, when you numb pain, you also numb joy. When you suppress anger, you also suppress passion. When you suppress grief, you also suppress depth. Avoidance costs more than we think.
The Quiet Question
So, here is the reflection for this week:
What are you avoiding feeling right now?
Not what you are avoiding doing, but what are you trying to avoid feeling?
If you slowed down tonight… If the noise stopped… If you could not reach for your phone…What would surface?
You do not need to fix it. You do not need to solve it. Just name it.
“I think I’m still hurting.” “I think I’m lonely.” “I think I’m afraid I’m not enough.” “I think I’m angry.”
Naming is not weakness; it is awareness. And awareness is where strength actually begins.
Try This
Tonight, set a timer for five minutes.
No distractions. No scrolling.
Ask yourself:
What am I pushing down?
Where do I feel it in my body?
What would it say if it could speak?
Write whatever comes up, even if it makes no sense.
You do not have to share it. You just need to stop pretending it is not there.
The goal is not to become emotional.
The goal is to become honest.
Because what we refuse to feel quietly controls us.
And what we allow ourselves to feel begins to loosen its grip.
This is REAL TALK.
No fluff. No filters. Just truth.
© Allan P Trottier